You don't have to be Jewish to understand these:
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed it is due to the fact that WonTon spelled backwards is... Not Now.
There's a big controversy on the Jewish view of exactly when life begins. In
Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until after it
graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."
Q: Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdale's
When the doctor called Mrs. Liebermann to tell her that her check came back,
she replied, "So did my arthritis."
A man calls his mother in Florida. "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," says
the mother. "I've been very weak." The son says, "Why are you so weak?" She
says, "Because I haven't eaten in 5 days."
The man says, "That's terrible! Why haven't you eaten in 5 days? The mother
answers, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a
part in the school play. "Wonderful. What part is it?" The boy says, "I play
the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and
tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Q - Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A - Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q - How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A - (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a nuisance
Short summary of every Jewish Holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to the Jewish mother on the street
and said, "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days." "Force yourself," she replied.
Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
A young Jewish man calls his mother and says, "Mom, I'm bringing home a
wonderful woman I want to marry. She's a Native American and her name is
Shooting Star." "How nice," says his mother.
"And I have an Indian name too," he says. "It's 'Running Deer' and I want
you to call me that from now on."
"How nice," says his mother. "You should have an Indian name too, Mom," he
"I already do," says the mother. "You can call me Sitting Shiva."
Jewish telegram: "Begin worrying. Details follow."